When Children Go Astray

There are so many parents who are just embarassed about the decisions and choices their children are making and most look at me as if I've done something so wonderful because all three of mine are in college. Well, I hate to burst anyone's bubbles but I deserve no praise for this and the only thing I can say to you is from the time my children were small, I spoke in their hearing that not going to college wasn't an option. I took away their right to choose by constantly telling them that I would not be satisfied until I held their college degrees. Although, highschool graduation day was sweet, it wasn't the certificate that I praised.

Some children will quickly tell their parents that they are tired of school but no matter where they work, it still requires learning. Learning is just an element of life that never goes away and when it does, you better watch out because PRIDE will try to invade. So to me, to make the excuse that you are tired of school is to prepare yourself for a life governed by self, and this always leads to pure destruction.

I can just imagine what the father in the Bible felt when his prodical son declared that he wanted what was his so he could leave. We all desire for our children to have the best but sometimes it's the worst situations (or what we feel is the worst) that leads to the best child. Eventhough, they are the products of our DNA, they are their very own fearfully and wonderfully made, unique self. So as a parent, we have to embrace this uniqueness and pray that they don't have to go through too much fire to become the person God created them to be; or to walk in the purpose He's assigned to them.

Nevertheless, when and if they do go astray, parents we must remember that it is not our fault! Maybe you didn't spank them, maybe you spanked them too much, maybe you didn't talk to them, maybe you talked too much, maybe you weren't a friend to them, maybe you were too friendly, maybe you gave them too much, maybe you didn't give enough....as you see, there's no perfect way to parent. The best that you can do is always find BALANCE...and PRAY! So, move from the space of thinking that you should be ashamed of them and begin to love on them. You have a covenant connection with your children and this gives you the right to hang in their even when they are going in all the wrong directions.

God has a way of making it all work out! I'm just crazy enough to believe that anything, any spirit, any faults that attaches itself to my children can and will be brought down. I believe that the anointing breaks yolks and strongholds can be broken. So the next time your children go astray, hold your head up and put on your HOLY boldness, stand flat footed on the WORD of GOD and declare that they shall live and not die, that they will turn from their wicked ways, and most importantly that God has the power to protect them until they come to themselves. Be Blessed!

Not Bad, Just Wise

Out of all my children, my little Dwight Gatlin Jr. better known as DJ was an exceptional child. What do I mean by exceptional? You wanted to spank his butt everyday except when he was sleep. (LOL)

He was only a year old when we found him on top of the cabinets, in the bathroom sink, and on top of the refrigerator. This boy almost made us feel like he was a gymnast! Then by the time he was three, he was going to tell his momma everything. To this day, my mother jokes at how fast he would climb our stairs in Florida to snitch on her for drinking my sodas.

People would say, "That boy is bad". And although sometimes I even thought that, I was infuriated by their mere suggestion of such. So, I began to challenge my child. Anyone who could call a complete football game by the age of four and tell you exactly what the referee was going to call could not be considered bad. Even when he was four, he was playing Madden against the area teenagers who were amazed that this four year old had the ability to beat them.

I started to recognize bad as smart! Isn't it amazing that when you really sit down with a child who has behavioral problems and you talk to them; you find that most of the time, the child knows more than you think he or she should know. DJ could be in a classroom, hear you say something while he was half sleep and still pass a test. Not only that, he has always been able to hold conversations with any adult. So my challenge begin by asking him strange questions. These were questions that only wisdom could answer.

Then I found out that this child wasn't so much a smart child as in genius, but he was indeed a wise child. This wisdom could come from one source and that source alone....God. God saw fit to bless this child with an unusual sense of wisdom and now I had to adapt to parent this type of child. When I realized this, it made me set higher goals for him, share deeper spiritual revelations with him, and most importantly listen to him. Yes, the child whom everyone thought was bad and had to be spanked in Mr. Christian's second grade class, was now sharing a message of truth to his mother that only God could give.

Now just as with any wise person, it's sometimes hard to tell him anything. Nevertheless, here's the trick...."DJ you do not know everything and the only way to evolve is to listen to those around you sometimes then weigh the information." Does it help, sometimes. So I guess I'm trying to say to you that you should never take your child for-granted by allowing people or even yourself to tag the label of "BAD" on them. See the strengths in your child, dig for the creative concepts, help that child to develop critical thinking skills, and most importantly be careful what you call he or she.....as in this boy is bad or this girl is bad. Maybe just maybe you'll figure out that your child is not bad, just wise.

When I Decided To Always Talk To My Children

You know parents really don't feel like they have to do much conversing with their children and I get that because they are children. Some things that burn in the hearts and minds of parents are too weighty for children so I get that too. Nevertheless, I also understand that communication is the true cornerstone of any relationship; even between you and your children!

Being that I was a  young mother in Japan, whenever her dad was out to sea, sometimes my child was all I had. So this is when I made a conscience decision to always talk to my children and to be completely honest......

One day Dwight (their dad) was out to sea and unlike most times when I would cope with his absence, this time his being away was really bothering me. I went to my friend's house because there, I could find solace and have company at the same time. She was doing something in another room and I went into the kitchen. I wanted to cry so bad because my heart was so heavy and in walks Raiyawna (yeah, whom I affectionately call Mooney). She looks me in my eyes and say, "Mommy, it's going to be alright. Daddy will be home soon and you will be alright. I love you Mommy and please don't be sad."

I almost choked on my tears. As they began to flow, she gently wiped my tears away and I promised her that day that I would try not to be sad and if I were, I would talk to her. She agreed at four that I could always talk to her when I'm sad like she can talk to me when she's sad. At that point I made a vow in my heart to always talk to my children. Whether it's a sad occasion, bad day, angry moment, or whatever, I would talk it out and to this day me and my children talk it out.

All three of them have a way of knowing when I'm not alright and I know them that much to detect when something is wrong. It's the art of really being in love with someone. We want to restrict being in love to marriages or relationships between two consenting adults but it's much deeper than that. Being in love with God is drastically most important because when you're in love with Him, you obey His Word, His Voice, & His Spirit. Then with your spouse it signifies being in a committed or having a soulful connection that's based on spiritual principles, respect, nurturing, and fleshly satisfaction. Last but never least being in love with your children is that ever present proclamation that they really belong to God and you have the responsibility of training them in His values, then it's loving them enough to chastise them while yet securing their strength by helping them overcome their fears, and lastly it's the active attributions that you express through the things you do, the way you hug, the respect you show them, and most importantly the connections you build between you and then. And last but not least, each relationship requires communication for how will I know you are in love with me if you never talk to me.....God longs for it, your spouse longs for it, and even your children!!

Happy Parenting and keep on talking........!!!!!!

No Micro-Parenting

When Raiyawna was three years old, I worked overnight at the Navy Lodge. I would go get her in the morning from my friend Sheila's house or either take her to work with me. Yes, I smuggled a child in my job every night I could not get Sheila's help and sometimes when I just felt she'd be better with me!
Anyway, that's another blog.....

So we would get home and I would take myself and Raiyawna (whom we affectionately called Mooney) a bath. While she was in the tub, I would pack her a back pack that contained her Barney collection for that particular day, some books, and a toy. Then I would pack a lunch box putting in it her sandwich, juice box, chips or cookies, and whatever other snack we had. Then, I would take her out the tub and dress her for the day, give her breakfast, all while preparing myself for the bed.

I bought a small fridge just for her and all her things were kept in there. So this is where the smarts came in. I would say, "Mooney, watch your shows and at one two zero zero, you need to eat your lunch and at one zero zero, lay down with Mommy for your nap. We will wake up at three zero zero and go to the park and cook Daddy some dinner (whenever he was on shore). Like clock-work, she followed time and did exactly as she was told. I never micro-managed my baby and she was not only independent, she understood responsibility.

Now, this same child is studying to become a Surgeon. Do I think she can handle that? Anyone who can follow directions this precise at the age of three can be anything she wants to be!

Some of you are raising some smart children who are depending on you for everything. That's because you micro parent them and they never understand that their minds were made to do the same thing yours does. Give them some space and some instructions. You'd be surprised at what your three year old can actually do. Just like micromanaging rarely works in a business, micro parenting never works with children. And you wonder why your children get grown and still call you for everything.

I figure, if a child can hide and sneak to do something wrong that you've never told them was wrong....the same instinct will cause them to do something right "boldly". I always gave her positive feedback concerning her day like: "You've been a smart girl today! How about a trip to the park for being so smart?" Or, "Lets go get a new ball because you've been a smart princess this week!" Her smile would melt my heart! Try it those of you with three year old and tell me how it worked. Happy Parenting!

Who's In Control: You or Your Baby

How is it that every baby comes into this world with the notion that if they cry, you will move. I watched a small baby today cry and every time the parent picked the child up, the child would stop crying. Then as soon as she laid the baby back in the carrier, it would began to cry again. So, I watched a yoyo match between a baby and a mother. The baby was learning that all it had to do was cry and the mother would do exactly what it wanted; and the mother, I guess was learning that the baby had more control than she.

I wanted to say, "If you let him or her lay there, they will soon understand that yelling does not make you comply to their demands! Instead I watched wishing I had the desire to record what I was watching. So often I run into adults who scream when things don't go their way, and this reminds me of that baby. Maybe their parents gave them the complete notion that if you scream, you'll get your way and it's carried into adulthood.

Well when my kids were babies, only my middle child would have the scream fits. I really didn't know how to handle her because she was truly driving me nuts. Then we were on our way back to Japan and I had to stay at my cousin's in Houston. My cousin came in one night and she was having a hissy fit. She politely took her and carried her to the room and said, if you let me handle her you will never go through this again. She put the child on the bed and said, in this house you will not cry to get your way. You will ask for what you want and when your mother says no, you will sit down and say yes ma'am. She was only two years old but I promise she must have understood everything that was said to her.

Nevertheless, although she didn't do it as a child she waited until she became a teenager. I would see the same two year old who was driving me nuts. Then one day I determined that God put me back in the same position so I could do it this time and trust me I did. She threw a fit and I let her finish and still said no. When she saw that it was no longer about her, she matured. At that point I regained my control because as long as you need me to supply your needs, I'm in control.

So remember, if you don't take control now you will definitely have to do it later.

Potty Pusher

I hear so many people talk about how hard it is to train their little people to use the toilet or potty and I just laugh. In Psychology I learned alot about rewards and punishment and I found out first hand when
Raiyawna was a child that "POTTYREWARDS" was the way to go!

I put a glass jar filled with M&Ms on the bathroom counter, and everytime she did number 1, she got one handfull of M&Ms; the number 2 got her two handfulls. I know when you think of handfulls, you cringe but imagine a two year old whose little hand can barely hold six. My baby would try to gather as many M&Ms as she could and trust me, she went to the potty as many times as she could mustar up even a little tinkle.

Since it worked so good with Raiyawna, we did the same for Dobrielle! Now, I can imagine with children being so hyper that M&Ms might not be so great, but I surely would use some type of colorful goodies that would draw their attention!

Both my girls were fully trained by the age of two and I accredited this totally to my brilliant "POTTYREWARDS" idea! Positive reinforcements are always a plus with children, pets, or husbands:)!
Try it moms with your choice of healthy treats and let me know how it works!!!

Intro

The strangest thing happened to me about a six months ago; I started receiving parenting magazines. Now mind you, my baby just turned eighteen in May and my eldest in twenty two years old. So I said, "Why on earth did someone send this magazine of all magazines to me?"

In the course of reading it, I discovered that I am a mother with plenty advice that I could give the adverage mother. Not because I have a Psychology degree but because I have a MOM degree and a pretty good track record. I've been a parent since I was seventeen years old and although some people turn their nose up at teenage mothers, God used this child to change my life and I'm proud to say, at seventeen- I learned how to care for someone more than I cared for myself.

My eldest is a Pre-Med major at McNeese State University, my middle daughter is a Communications major at the University of Louisiana Lafayette, and my son will be attending Kilgore college in the summer, and the University of Houston in the Spring. I am so honored to say this teenage mother has made it!

What do I mean? I have gotten three children successfully through high school, in college, and most importantly in a relationship with GOD!

So, instead of being selfish and keeping all the information to myself as to how I made it through...I decided to start this blog so I can share my way with you! Hope you enjoy! Be Blessed!