When I Decided To Always Talk To My Children

You know parents really don't feel like they have to do much conversing with their children and I get that because they are children. Some things that burn in the hearts and minds of parents are too weighty for children so I get that too. Nevertheless, I also understand that communication is the true cornerstone of any relationship; even between you and your children!

Being that I was a  young mother in Japan, whenever her dad was out to sea, sometimes my child was all I had. So this is when I made a conscience decision to always talk to my children and to be completely honest......

One day Dwight (their dad) was out to sea and unlike most times when I would cope with his absence, this time his being away was really bothering me. I went to my friend's house because there, I could find solace and have company at the same time. She was doing something in another room and I went into the kitchen. I wanted to cry so bad because my heart was so heavy and in walks Raiyawna (yeah, whom I affectionately call Mooney). She looks me in my eyes and say, "Mommy, it's going to be alright. Daddy will be home soon and you will be alright. I love you Mommy and please don't be sad."

I almost choked on my tears. As they began to flow, she gently wiped my tears away and I promised her that day that I would try not to be sad and if I were, I would talk to her. She agreed at four that I could always talk to her when I'm sad like she can talk to me when she's sad. At that point I made a vow in my heart to always talk to my children. Whether it's a sad occasion, bad day, angry moment, or whatever, I would talk it out and to this day me and my children talk it out.

All three of them have a way of knowing when I'm not alright and I know them that much to detect when something is wrong. It's the art of really being in love with someone. We want to restrict being in love to marriages or relationships between two consenting adults but it's much deeper than that. Being in love with God is drastically most important because when you're in love with Him, you obey His Word, His Voice, & His Spirit. Then with your spouse it signifies being in a committed or having a soulful connection that's based on spiritual principles, respect, nurturing, and fleshly satisfaction. Last but never least being in love with your children is that ever present proclamation that they really belong to God and you have the responsibility of training them in His values, then it's loving them enough to chastise them while yet securing their strength by helping them overcome their fears, and lastly it's the active attributions that you express through the things you do, the way you hug, the respect you show them, and most importantly the connections you build between you and then. And last but not least, each relationship requires communication for how will I know you are in love with me if you never talk to me.....God longs for it, your spouse longs for it, and even your children!!

Happy Parenting and keep on talking........!!!!!!

No Micro-Parenting

When Raiyawna was three years old, I worked overnight at the Navy Lodge. I would go get her in the morning from my friend Sheila's house or either take her to work with me. Yes, I smuggled a child in my job every night I could not get Sheila's help and sometimes when I just felt she'd be better with me!
Anyway, that's another blog.....

So we would get home and I would take myself and Raiyawna (whom we affectionately called Mooney) a bath. While she was in the tub, I would pack her a back pack that contained her Barney collection for that particular day, some books, and a toy. Then I would pack a lunch box putting in it her sandwich, juice box, chips or cookies, and whatever other snack we had. Then, I would take her out the tub and dress her for the day, give her breakfast, all while preparing myself for the bed.

I bought a small fridge just for her and all her things were kept in there. So this is where the smarts came in. I would say, "Mooney, watch your shows and at one two zero zero, you need to eat your lunch and at one zero zero, lay down with Mommy for your nap. We will wake up at three zero zero and go to the park and cook Daddy some dinner (whenever he was on shore). Like clock-work, she followed time and did exactly as she was told. I never micro-managed my baby and she was not only independent, she understood responsibility.

Now, this same child is studying to become a Surgeon. Do I think she can handle that? Anyone who can follow directions this precise at the age of three can be anything she wants to be!

Some of you are raising some smart children who are depending on you for everything. That's because you micro parent them and they never understand that their minds were made to do the same thing yours does. Give them some space and some instructions. You'd be surprised at what your three year old can actually do. Just like micromanaging rarely works in a business, micro parenting never works with children. And you wonder why your children get grown and still call you for everything.

I figure, if a child can hide and sneak to do something wrong that you've never told them was wrong....the same instinct will cause them to do something right "boldly". I always gave her positive feedback concerning her day like: "You've been a smart girl today! How about a trip to the park for being so smart?" Or, "Lets go get a new ball because you've been a smart princess this week!" Her smile would melt my heart! Try it those of you with three year old and tell me how it worked. Happy Parenting!

Who's In Control: You or Your Baby

How is it that every baby comes into this world with the notion that if they cry, you will move. I watched a small baby today cry and every time the parent picked the child up, the child would stop crying. Then as soon as she laid the baby back in the carrier, it would began to cry again. So, I watched a yoyo match between a baby and a mother. The baby was learning that all it had to do was cry and the mother would do exactly what it wanted; and the mother, I guess was learning that the baby had more control than she.

I wanted to say, "If you let him or her lay there, they will soon understand that yelling does not make you comply to their demands! Instead I watched wishing I had the desire to record what I was watching. So often I run into adults who scream when things don't go their way, and this reminds me of that baby. Maybe their parents gave them the complete notion that if you scream, you'll get your way and it's carried into adulthood.

Well when my kids were babies, only my middle child would have the scream fits. I really didn't know how to handle her because she was truly driving me nuts. Then we were on our way back to Japan and I had to stay at my cousin's in Houston. My cousin came in one night and she was having a hissy fit. She politely took her and carried her to the room and said, if you let me handle her you will never go through this again. She put the child on the bed and said, in this house you will not cry to get your way. You will ask for what you want and when your mother says no, you will sit down and say yes ma'am. She was only two years old but I promise she must have understood everything that was said to her.

Nevertheless, although she didn't do it as a child she waited until she became a teenager. I would see the same two year old who was driving me nuts. Then one day I determined that God put me back in the same position so I could do it this time and trust me I did. She threw a fit and I let her finish and still said no. When she saw that it was no longer about her, she matured. At that point I regained my control because as long as you need me to supply your needs, I'm in control.

So remember, if you don't take control now you will definitely have to do it later.

Potty Pusher

I hear so many people talk about how hard it is to train their little people to use the toilet or potty and I just laugh. In Psychology I learned alot about rewards and punishment and I found out first hand when
Raiyawna was a child that "POTTYREWARDS" was the way to go!

I put a glass jar filled with M&Ms on the bathroom counter, and everytime she did number 1, she got one handfull of M&Ms; the number 2 got her two handfulls. I know when you think of handfulls, you cringe but imagine a two year old whose little hand can barely hold six. My baby would try to gather as many M&Ms as she could and trust me, she went to the potty as many times as she could mustar up even a little tinkle.

Since it worked so good with Raiyawna, we did the same for Dobrielle! Now, I can imagine with children being so hyper that M&Ms might not be so great, but I surely would use some type of colorful goodies that would draw their attention!

Both my girls were fully trained by the age of two and I accredited this totally to my brilliant "POTTYREWARDS" idea! Positive reinforcements are always a plus with children, pets, or husbands:)!
Try it moms with your choice of healthy treats and let me know how it works!!!

Intro

The strangest thing happened to me about a six months ago; I started receiving parenting magazines. Now mind you, my baby just turned eighteen in May and my eldest in twenty two years old. So I said, "Why on earth did someone send this magazine of all magazines to me?"

In the course of reading it, I discovered that I am a mother with plenty advice that I could give the adverage mother. Not because I have a Psychology degree but because I have a MOM degree and a pretty good track record. I've been a parent since I was seventeen years old and although some people turn their nose up at teenage mothers, God used this child to change my life and I'm proud to say, at seventeen- I learned how to care for someone more than I cared for myself.

My eldest is a Pre-Med major at McNeese State University, my middle daughter is a Communications major at the University of Louisiana Lafayette, and my son will be attending Kilgore college in the summer, and the University of Houston in the Spring. I am so honored to say this teenage mother has made it!

What do I mean? I have gotten three children successfully through high school, in college, and most importantly in a relationship with GOD!

So, instead of being selfish and keeping all the information to myself as to how I made it through...I decided to start this blog so I can share my way with you! Hope you enjoy! Be Blessed!