When I Decided To Always Talk To My Children

You know parents really don't feel like they have to do much conversing with their children and I get that because they are children. Some things that burn in the hearts and minds of parents are too weighty for children so I get that too. Nevertheless, I also understand that communication is the true cornerstone of any relationship; even between you and your children!

Being that I was a  young mother in Japan, whenever her dad was out to sea, sometimes my child was all I had. So this is when I made a conscience decision to always talk to my children and to be completely honest......

One day Dwight (their dad) was out to sea and unlike most times when I would cope with his absence, this time his being away was really bothering me. I went to my friend's house because there, I could find solace and have company at the same time. She was doing something in another room and I went into the kitchen. I wanted to cry so bad because my heart was so heavy and in walks Raiyawna (yeah, whom I affectionately call Mooney). She looks me in my eyes and say, "Mommy, it's going to be alright. Daddy will be home soon and you will be alright. I love you Mommy and please don't be sad."

I almost choked on my tears. As they began to flow, she gently wiped my tears away and I promised her that day that I would try not to be sad and if I were, I would talk to her. She agreed at four that I could always talk to her when I'm sad like she can talk to me when she's sad. At that point I made a vow in my heart to always talk to my children. Whether it's a sad occasion, bad day, angry moment, or whatever, I would talk it out and to this day me and my children talk it out.

All three of them have a way of knowing when I'm not alright and I know them that much to detect when something is wrong. It's the art of really being in love with someone. We want to restrict being in love to marriages or relationships between two consenting adults but it's much deeper than that. Being in love with God is drastically most important because when you're in love with Him, you obey His Word, His Voice, & His Spirit. Then with your spouse it signifies being in a committed or having a soulful connection that's based on spiritual principles, respect, nurturing, and fleshly satisfaction. Last but never least being in love with your children is that ever present proclamation that they really belong to God and you have the responsibility of training them in His values, then it's loving them enough to chastise them while yet securing their strength by helping them overcome their fears, and lastly it's the active attributions that you express through the things you do, the way you hug, the respect you show them, and most importantly the connections you build between you and then. And last but not least, each relationship requires communication for how will I know you are in love with me if you never talk to me.....God longs for it, your spouse longs for it, and even your children!!

Happy Parenting and keep on talking........!!!!!!

No Micro-Parenting

When Raiyawna was three years old, I worked overnight at the Navy Lodge. I would go get her in the morning from my friend Sheila's house or either take her to work with me. Yes, I smuggled a child in my job every night I could not get Sheila's help and sometimes when I just felt she'd be better with me!
Anyway, that's another blog.....

So we would get home and I would take myself and Raiyawna (whom we affectionately called Mooney) a bath. While she was in the tub, I would pack her a back pack that contained her Barney collection for that particular day, some books, and a toy. Then I would pack a lunch box putting in it her sandwich, juice box, chips or cookies, and whatever other snack we had. Then, I would take her out the tub and dress her for the day, give her breakfast, all while preparing myself for the bed.

I bought a small fridge just for her and all her things were kept in there. So this is where the smarts came in. I would say, "Mooney, watch your shows and at one two zero zero, you need to eat your lunch and at one zero zero, lay down with Mommy for your nap. We will wake up at three zero zero and go to the park and cook Daddy some dinner (whenever he was on shore). Like clock-work, she followed time and did exactly as she was told. I never micro-managed my baby and she was not only independent, she understood responsibility.

Now, this same child is studying to become a Surgeon. Do I think she can handle that? Anyone who can follow directions this precise at the age of three can be anything she wants to be!

Some of you are raising some smart children who are depending on you for everything. That's because you micro parent them and they never understand that their minds were made to do the same thing yours does. Give them some space and some instructions. You'd be surprised at what your three year old can actually do. Just like micromanaging rarely works in a business, micro parenting never works with children. And you wonder why your children get grown and still call you for everything.

I figure, if a child can hide and sneak to do something wrong that you've never told them was wrong....the same instinct will cause them to do something right "boldly". I always gave her positive feedback concerning her day like: "You've been a smart girl today! How about a trip to the park for being so smart?" Or, "Lets go get a new ball because you've been a smart princess this week!" Her smile would melt my heart! Try it those of you with three year old and tell me how it worked. Happy Parenting!